Godly Things We Should Do… and it’s hard! Part 1 of 4 - Forgiveness

I have spent most of my adult life not obeying God. Now when I say “not obeying God” I’m not saying I was against him, or didn’t believe in him; what I mean is that I did what I wanted, I did things my way. I didn’t seek him in times of need or in times of praise. I believed in him and knew there would be consequences… but it didn’t change MY WAY of doing things. Weird, I know. I’m ashamed, yes, but it is part of my testimony therefore I do not (or at least try not to) dwell on the past.

Specific things I can pinpoint that I didn’t obey are 

1. Forgiveness

2. Being Grateful

3. Loving Others

4. Compassion

Forgiveness is… well… It can be hard.

I’ve held grudges for several people. Laughed at it, telling others that once you hurt me that’s it I’m done and we are done. Especially if it’s a hurt that cuts deep, there is just no forgiveness. Now I know that this is wrong. This is not the way of Jesus. I want Jesus to forgive me, no matter how much I hurt him or no matter what I’ve said in the past. But yet, I am not willing to forgive those who have hurt me or said bad things to me. That’s not going to work, people. I had to come to this the hard way.

I had a former friend, we were more like sisters, who hurt me very badly. It was a pain I had never felt before and I never forgave her for that hurt. Granted there was never any outreach either, but even if there was… I was determined I wouldn’t forgive her. I just couldn’t. Well, I got a big slap in my face because a few years after this she passed away unexpectedly. The night I found out she passed I was overcome with emotion and turmoil. This in itself was confusing because up until that point I was mad and had so much anger towards the situation… why was I now so sad and upset? Because I knew right at that moment I would NEVER have the chance to forgive her. 

That changed my perspective on holding grudges. 

Thankfully within the last several years I’ve gotten better at forgiving others and not holding grudges, but it still wasn’t and isn’t always easy.

I have one person/situation that I struggle with still today. I’m not really “angry” anymore but I’m still holding on to things that I need to just release and be done with it and not be so… hmmm.

I’m not sure of the word I want to use here, but I’m still learning how to let go, it’s not something that just happens overnight.

It’s a conscious decision that you need to make.

NOW… am I saying that you can’t be mad at someone? Absolutely not. We still have emotions, we still have feelings, we are human. All I’m saying is that we can’t stay mad forever. We can’t hold grudges, we HAVE TO FORGIVE. That doesn’t mean you forget and just let the same person hurt you over and over, no most certainly NOT. It just means that you have to decide that you are better than that anger. That you are more than that part of your life.

I have learned two very important things.

The devil wants you to be angry.

God wants you to forgive.